flailing minus the L

The teachers at my youngest daughters preschool started vocalizing what a difference they'd been seeing in her lately, she was totally blossoming. Prior to daycare her teachers were asking me if she ever talked. Ever. To be (really) honest, I just figured she didn't like her teachers. She's always been open with us but even we started to notice the growth. It is so amazing

My oldest daughter cried at daycare because I picked her up. At four thirty. Ya. She was friggin pissed at me for showing up there before supper time. "Mom, why can't I stay here for supper, can't you come back later - like at ten thirty?" Ouch. Although I do have to admit that while it stings a little that she wants me to leave her there, it doesn't hurt nearly as much as it does when she's upset because I have to leave.

Then there's my son. What a baby. I'm pretty sure we both cried every day for the first two weeks. The difference was that as soon as I walked out the door he was fine for the rest of the day and I would cry. His tears lasted thirty seconds and mine lasted all day. What a baby.

I was having a really hard time adjusting to daycare and my children loved every minute of it - other than the first thirty seconds for my son, and when I came back for my daughter. I would go home, which was a strange place to be (alone), sit down at my beloved table and work until it was time to get the kids. I barely gave myself time to eat because I felt like every minute I wasn't working was a minute wasted having my kids at daycare. Plus, I had a butt-load of work to do.

In fact, I had so much work to do, and so many emooootions to sort through that I was totally flailing.  If I wasn't rushing, I was late. If I was early, I forgot something or I just didn't show up at all. Considering I did just turn our lives completely upside down for a total shot in the dark maybe I'll cut myself some slack and get over it. Then, near the end of February, I was taking my daughter to preschool and it hit me like a bag of bricks. I forgot her Special Day. Faaaack me.

I'm not just flailing anymore. I'm failing. The only way to make my girls un-special Special Day special again was to send her a little surprise. Thank goodness for Papa. He spent the morning at the school with my daughter for her Special Day - and the teachers totally adore him so that helps too, hahaha. 

I still can't believe that happened. I'm not sure if I can think of anything that would compare to this. Ugh and it never would have happened with my first born - I just made second born syndrome a reality for my kid and I haven't felt this kind of awful...ever, I don't think. Ok Tenille focus, get your shit together and while you're at it - don't forget about the things that really matter.