peddlers 

Today is the day! It has been two weeks since I peddled my art around town for my Christmas card campaign and today is the day I have to go back around and pick it all up. For those of you who don't know, my unfortunate schedule didn't allow me the opportunity to take part in any of the fall and Christmas events so instead of leaving my hard work behind I pushed a little harder. If I couldn't make people come to me (at the craft shows etc.) then I would simply have to go them. And so I did.

Now it's 6 a.m. on what feels like doomsday and all I can think of to do in this moment is write. Probably because I have no idea how the heck else to sort out my feelings about the day ahead and there seems to be several of them. Up until this very moment, I have managed to keep myself insanely busy and even more distracted. But today is today the avoidance can continue no longer! 

I am friggin terrified of what today will bring. When I was out delivering my little art packages two weeks ago, I swallowed my pride and literally solicited. Yes. I'm the kind of person that people put signs on their doorsteps to avoid. After realizing that that was, in fact, exactly what I was doing it became exponentially more difficult to walk into those buildings, open my mouth and give my spiel, hand over my carefully put together little presentation, turn around, walk out and still manage to keep my sweet little butt chin up. And now I have to do that shit again?! I'm going to need some more coffee. And drugs. Maybe some drugs. 

Or maybe just a little more courage. It seems like living a creative life means that you are constantly digging up courage. Until you are scraping at the bottom of the barrel trying to collect every speckle of bravery you can conjure up. It's friggin hard to put yourself out there and ohmigoodness it is draining. (High five to anyone who goes through this, creative or not) When I was out earlier this month telling people about the cards I'd designed it took me at least five minutes of talking to myself in my truck and working myself up and believing in myself just to get through the door. Then there's that gut-check moment before I would open my mouth to say words and hope to heck that's what comes out-and not puke. 

So today, I get to do it all again, except this time I will find out of they like me. Judgement day, dun dun dun. I guess I will give myself another twenty pep talks, keep my chin up...aaaand wait until I get home to see what the results of my campaign are because this girl will not cry in public. Just kidding, I totally will. Wish me luck!

Take care, Tenille.