On Thursdays I try to go to work. If you follow my blog you will learn one thing about me for sure-I have a wonderful life. One day a week, my mom likes to hang out with my kids. This is HUGE for me because it gives me the opportunity to spend the better portion of a day, at work. My boss is a real tough guy to work for...around our house, we call him Papa. So Papa's very flexible when it comes to my work schedule. Like I said, wonderful life. I get to be a stay at home mom, freelance artist AND administrative assistant plus I choose all of my own working hours unless mom can't make it one day or the kids decide that napping is not an option.
As I was driving home from work at noon, I rolled the window down and pumped up the radio. To my surprise, I recognized the song and immediately felt connected to the moment. Fresh air rolling in with the waves of "Be Yourself" by Audioslave taking over my anxieties and worries of the day and just letting me be, for the moment. How sweet it was. Once I began to digest what was actually happening (I was relaxing) I started to really think about how the lyrics of the song were very well suited to my particular spot at the table. Here I am, twenty nine-forever, loving husband, the family we always dreamed of, the ability to stay home and raise them myself, making a little extra scratch on the side and, most recently, trying to own and operate a successful blog and online shop. And I have no idea how to do any of it.
Instead of beating myself up over every minor mis-step, spelling error and spilled glass of milk I make through the foreign jargin and technology on this completely unguided (maybe misguided) tour, I am taking it all in, owning it and letting that shit go. Chugging right along because that's the kind of person that I am and it's important to always be on the move. At the moment it's the best that I can do, but watch out world, as my eraser gets smaller I am getting better.
Be yourself is all that you can do.